Drive-by anonymous preaching

I’m finally feeling better and have been looking through my blog, and a few others. I looked through my old posts and came across a comment that made me arch an eyebrow – the best that I could. It’s an anonymous one to this post

I originally planned on replying there but changed my mind once I began writing it. I’ve since decided to post about it and my feelings about the comment. Here's what anonymous said:


I'm sorry, but I have to say that I think you guys are crazy for being so closed minded about biomedical intervention. Do you realize that most of these DAN! doctors have Autistic children and they have recovered? Yes, our children ARE broken. I will love my child whether or not he is "fixed", but the fact is that many of our Autistic kids are indeed broken - their bodies don't function the way they should - and when you get their systems back on track, their Autistic tendencies are going away. You guys who don't believe in this need to go to a DAN! conference and REALLY educate yourself. There are risks with everything you do. You don't think there are side effects to the Prozac and Tenex my medical doctor has my child taking? I, for one, am VERY thankful for Jenny McCarthy. Yes, she is using her fame to bring attention to this subject, but beneath it all, she is a mom who loves her child and will stop at nothing to get him well, and that is all she is guilty of. Aside from the fact that Evan still has seizures, she has pretty much taken the initiative to cure her son from Autism. Why would you fault any mother for wanting the same for other mothers and their children? I, for one, am spreading the good news - there IS hope.


And here's my reply:


I look back in my posts and what do I find? Interesting anonymous how you didn't use your real name. Now, why is that?

I find it funny how you've proven the very point I made at the beginning of this post. Let me requote it to remind you.

I'm sincere when I say if parents want to try the biomedical procedures with their kids to go ahead. That's their choice, their prerogative. I don't agree with them and won't pursue them. But it's not my place to tell these parents they can't try it. Of course, some seem to think it's their place to shove these procedures in my face and tell me I absolutely have to or I must not love my son enough to not even consider it. I love my son very much, thank you. I love him enough to let him be who he is and try not to change or "fix" him. He's not broken!

And look what you did. Shove your beliefs in my face and tell me I'm - and anybody else like me - close-minded because I won't consider them. Hm, total lack of respect for differing opinion there.

You can rattle on all you want about DAN! and Ms McCarthy, it isn't going to do a thing to change my opinion. You say we need to attend a DAN! conference and be educated. I get all the education I need raising my son. He's a wonderful, lovable, caring, smart, witty, compassionate boy who's taught me patience, understanding, bravery, how to see and live in the world from a different point of view and realize that's okay - and that it's a pretty cool POV at that - and the true meaning of unconditional love.

I don't want or need to change my son. He's perfectly fine the way he is and I accept him - autism and all. There's nothing 'off track' about him and I've talked to other parents who will say the same about their child. I don't want to take away his 'autistic tendencies' as you put them in your comment. They're part of who he is and I see no reason to get rid of them. I'm very comfortable with how my son is. I don't look at him and think, "If only he were different. If only he were how I wanted him to be. Then he would fit into my world." Well, you know what, I don't think that way. I don't look at him and mourn for what could have been, I look at him and celebrate who he is now and enjoy the child he is - autism and all.

But then it's not about me. It's about my son and what he wants. I listen to him and he's told me he's autistic and nothing is going to change that. He's told me he doesn't want to be cured and doesn't need any kind of treatments. He's told me he's just fine the way he is. And that's just fine with me. You see, what my son says, wants and needs is more important than what I say, want and need. And it’s certainly more important than what some organization says since they don’t speak for my son or know what’s best for him. Only he knows that.

You want to believe these kids are broken, go right ahead. Like I said in my post that's your choice, your prerogative. But don't tell me they are because you don't speak for me. I don't believe these kids are broken. A lot of us, as you put it, don’t. In fact, how about a turnabout. Autistic kids aren't broken. They don't need to be fixed. They don't need DAN! treatments to get rid of autistic tendencies or be cured. What they need is acceptance and tolerance and understanding. You people need to listen to your children, any way you can, really listen to them – and not just listen for words - and hear what they have to say. Find out what they want, not what you want, or what you think they want. Listen to autistic adults and hear what they have to say. Educate yourself on the autistic mind and understand it.

You probably hate having that thrown in your face. Now you know how we all feel when you throw your jargon at us. You don't appreciate being told - by us no less - how to raise your child or what you think is best for him/her. Yet you'll gladly turn around and tell us what you think we should do and criticize us for not putting blind faith in procedures not medically proven or approved to help autistic children. And I don't consider testmonials proof. You’ll tell us we don’t speak for you and your children and we don’t understand them, yet you think you have a right to speak for us and our children and claim you understand them when you really have no idea. I just love the double standard here.

And let me say that I’d love to see some serious research done on these procedures to find out if they do indeed work or not.

Am I supposed to be moved by the fact the DAN! "doctors” have kids on the spectrum? Please! You say they’ve been recovered. Let me inform you, I’ve seen several videos of these “recovered” children, at different ages. They look and act exactly like my son did at those ages and now and he hasn’t had one lick of biomed! What he has had is years of therapy, a great and very supportive education system, a wonderful team of doctors working with him since he was a baby, and family and friends that love and accept him unconditionally. So I don’t buy into the whole recovered through biomed because I look at my son and know progress is made without that stuff. Now, do I think my son is recovered from autism? No. He’s still autistic and he always will be. What I think is he’s grown and developed at a pace appropriate and productive for him and with the love and support of those around him. He’s learned and is still learning coping strategies so he can maneuver in a world he’s not wired for. And he’ll continue to do this and flourish using nothing but the love and support of those around him – family, school, therapy - and his own determination.

Am I supposed to be moved by Ms McCarthy’s story? Don’t count on it. And by the way, I’m not faulting her as a mother and sharing her story. What I am faulting her for giving what I believe is false hope to parents and misleading them with wrong information. It’s been pointed out some of the mistakes she’s made regarding information in her book. Add to that the increased scare about vaccines thanks to her irresponsible words. I’ve seen the hysterical reactions of people. It isn’t pretty.

And you mention reactions to medication. How about the children who have been killed from chelation? Oh, but that’s okay, isn’t it? Again, the double standard. Yes, my son is on medication and it helps him. It doesn’t control his life, but it does help make his days more bearable. He has had no adverse reaction to what he’s on and with the strategies he’s learning it’s possible he’ll be off of them in the future.

You know, anonymous, you wasted a lot of time and energy commenting to me which made me waste a lot of time and energy too. But in the end I feel this post was worth it. I feel it’s a shining example of the total lack of respect issued forth by biomed parents for those who don’t agree with them. Sure, you weren’t nasty to me, and you can turn around and say we do the same thing to all of you; I'm sure there are some who do. But when are you going to get it, there are those of us who don’t want to change our kids or feel we have to. We don’t see them as broken and they don’t need these treatments. And we don't appreciate being condescended and preached to because we accept and love our children the way they are.

And I certainly don’t need someone commenting on my blog, anonymously I might add, making veiled suggestions that I’m not a good enough mother because I don’t pursue the DAN! protocol.

You say there’s hope. I’d like to believe so. The hope that someday people will stop trying to change autistic children and accept them for who they are.

Snarky? Yes. But I don't like drive-by anonymous preaching on my blog when I've made it clear that while I don't agree with and will never pursue biomed treatments I'm not going to criticize or try and change the minds of those who do. Pity the same courtesy can't be made to me and on my own blog.