One of those dark days

Today has not been a good day. My stomach, head and heart hurt from the train wreck that is the mito/autism-vaccine mess. Then I see over on Autism Vox that Ms McCarthy is asking for an "immediate resignation" of Julie Gebering, director of the CDC. Good god, woman, shut up! Can we collectively ask for your "immediate resignation" as mouthpiece for the autism community. You seem to think, with your PhD. from Google University, that you have enough credentials that you can speak on behalf of the whole lot of us. Well, I'm pretty sure there are those of us who feel otherwise and we'd like to see you step down from your post. So how about a trade, Julie Gebering resign and you do too? ...Didn't think so. Like I already said, shut up, woman!

Then J and I were verbally assaulted by a woman in the grocery store parking lot because she didn't like my bumper stickers. I have two: "My son is autistic & awesome!" and "My kid isn't "broken", He doesn't need to be "fixed". Accept Autism" She said some rather unpleasant things, right in front of J, acting like he wasn't even there. I was so mad at her lack of tact that I wanted to punch her. I gave her a piece of my mind, and J got in some words too. "Shut up, you stupid lady! I'm autistic, and it's okay." He then told her to go away and get hit by a car. I was a bit stunned by his last remark, but also tried not to laugh at it. This nosy-body was stunned too. She just gawked at him then quickly walked to her car, which was two down the row from mine. J has no qualms about telling people he's autistic and he has no problem with it. He's hardly ever forceful about it. But today was the first time he told somebody to shut up and to get it by a car. I guess he was pretty mad to do that.

This was the first time I've ever been verbally attacked like that. Even though J acted like a knight in shining armor and was proud of himself for standing up for himself, it felt like I had been punched in the gut. First, because this woman said some horrible things in front of J. Like if I really loved him I'd do everything I could to "fix" him because there's no way he's happy having autism. Yes she said something like this in front of my son. My wonder autistic son. Second, I hate how the overwhelming and what society takes as the common, popular and accepted opinion is that autism is something that needs to be gotten rid of; that it destroys families and lives. That anyone who doesn't agree with this ideal is viewed as some kind of pariah. I hate it! I absolutely hate it! So, even though we had a small victory today it barely makes a dent in the bigger picture of things.

I have no doubts J knew what happened today bothered me. He's been at my side ever since we got back home. (Y is dog-sitting for my brother at his house this weekend.) We watched Revenge of the Sith, since we're both getting excited for the new Star Wars: Clone Wars movie and cartoon coming out this summer and fall. Had pizza for dinner and then watched "How The Earth Was Made" on History, formerly The History Channel. He's in bed now and I'm going to try and keep my mind on other things now that I've written about this...like working on writing my review and thoughts on Jumper. I was hoping to have it done and posted by now.

Edit 8:25 a.m. 3/9/08: And now that I've slept on it I'm wondering how much J was affected by what happened yesterday. I was so focused on my own hurt that I immediately assumed J was reacting to it. Not until this morning, as I watch him play with his Bionicles, do I wonder how he feels about what happened. I want to smack myself for that. Never before has J reacted way he did. Like I mention above, he's not forceful but he will tell people he doesn't mind one bit being autistic. But, never before has he encountered someone who was so rude and thoughtless. I can only imagine how he must have felt having this woman come up to us and say the awful things she did. And say them as if he wasn't standing right in front of her. Watching J play with his Bionicles I'm instantly reminded how doing so helps him deal with stress or when he's under distress. Now that I'm not thinking solely on my feelings about yesterday I wonder how much stress he was under last night and just needed me at his side. We were pretty much glued at the hip from when we got home to when he went to bed. There were a lot of hugs and "I love you" last night, to each other. I have to remember to think about how things like this will affect J. I was hurting; I'm sure he was too, especially since he was the one the rude comments were indirectly directed to. We've both only been up less than an hour but J's mood seems to be okay. I'll see how he's doing after breakfast and decide if what happened yesterday is something we need to talk about, or if it's something he wants to talk about.

I do have one highlight. J made another video today. "The Crystal Heist" starring his Neopets. Enjoy. (And dang! This thing did not want to cooperate!)