Drive-by anonymous preaching

I’m finally feeling better and have been looking through my blog, and a few others. I looked through my old posts and came across a comment that made me arch an eyebrow – the best that I could. It’s an anonymous one to this post

I originally planned on replying there but changed my mind once I began writing it. I’ve since decided to post about it and my feelings about the comment. Here's what anonymous said:


I'm sorry, but I have to say that I think you guys are crazy for being so closed minded about biomedical intervention. Do you realize that most of these DAN! doctors have Autistic children and they have recovered? Yes, our children ARE broken. I will love my child whether or not he is "fixed", but the fact is that many of our Autistic kids are indeed broken - their bodies don't function the way they should - and when you get their systems back on track, their Autistic tendencies are going away. You guys who don't believe in this need to go to a DAN! conference and REALLY educate yourself. There are risks with everything you do. You don't think there are side effects to the Prozac and Tenex my medical doctor has my child taking? I, for one, am VERY thankful for Jenny McCarthy. Yes, she is using her fame to bring attention to this subject, but beneath it all, she is a mom who loves her child and will stop at nothing to get him well, and that is all she is guilty of. Aside from the fact that Evan still has seizures, she has pretty much taken the initiative to cure her son from Autism. Why would you fault any mother for wanting the same for other mothers and their children? I, for one, am spreading the good news - there IS hope.


And here's my reply:


I look back in my posts and what do I find? Interesting anonymous how you didn't use your real name. Now, why is that?

I find it funny how you've proven the very point I made at the beginning of this post. Let me requote it to remind you.

I'm sincere when I say if parents want to try the biomedical procedures with their kids to go ahead. That's their choice, their prerogative. I don't agree with them and won't pursue them. But it's not my place to tell these parents they can't try it. Of course, some seem to think it's their place to shove these procedures in my face and tell me I absolutely have to or I must not love my son enough to not even consider it. I love my son very much, thank you. I love him enough to let him be who he is and try not to change or "fix" him. He's not broken!

And look what you did. Shove your beliefs in my face and tell me I'm - and anybody else like me - close-minded because I won't consider them. Hm, total lack of respect for differing opinion there.

You can rattle on all you want about DAN! and Ms McCarthy, it isn't going to do a thing to change my opinion. You say we need to attend a DAN! conference and be educated. I get all the education I need raising my son. He's a wonderful, lovable, caring, smart, witty, compassionate boy who's taught me patience, understanding, bravery, how to see and live in the world from a different point of view and realize that's okay - and that it's a pretty cool POV at that - and the true meaning of unconditional love.

I don't want or need to change my son. He's perfectly fine the way he is and I accept him - autism and all. There's nothing 'off track' about him and I've talked to other parents who will say the same about their child. I don't want to take away his 'autistic tendencies' as you put them in your comment. They're part of who he is and I see no reason to get rid of them. I'm very comfortable with how my son is. I don't look at him and think, "If only he were different. If only he were how I wanted him to be. Then he would fit into my world." Well, you know what, I don't think that way. I don't look at him and mourn for what could have been, I look at him and celebrate who he is now and enjoy the child he is - autism and all.

But then it's not about me. It's about my son and what he wants. I listen to him and he's told me he's autistic and nothing is going to change that. He's told me he doesn't want to be cured and doesn't need any kind of treatments. He's told me he's just fine the way he is. And that's just fine with me. You see, what my son says, wants and needs is more important than what I say, want and need. And it’s certainly more important than what some organization says since they don’t speak for my son or know what’s best for him. Only he knows that.

You want to believe these kids are broken, go right ahead. Like I said in my post that's your choice, your prerogative. But don't tell me they are because you don't speak for me. I don't believe these kids are broken. A lot of us, as you put it, don’t. In fact, how about a turnabout. Autistic kids aren't broken. They don't need to be fixed. They don't need DAN! treatments to get rid of autistic tendencies or be cured. What they need is acceptance and tolerance and understanding. You people need to listen to your children, any way you can, really listen to them – and not just listen for words - and hear what they have to say. Find out what they want, not what you want, or what you think they want. Listen to autistic adults and hear what they have to say. Educate yourself on the autistic mind and understand it.

You probably hate having that thrown in your face. Now you know how we all feel when you throw your jargon at us. You don't appreciate being told - by us no less - how to raise your child or what you think is best for him/her. Yet you'll gladly turn around and tell us what you think we should do and criticize us for not putting blind faith in procedures not medically proven or approved to help autistic children. And I don't consider testmonials proof. You’ll tell us we don’t speak for you and your children and we don’t understand them, yet you think you have a right to speak for us and our children and claim you understand them when you really have no idea. I just love the double standard here.

And let me say that I’d love to see some serious research done on these procedures to find out if they do indeed work or not.

Am I supposed to be moved by the fact the DAN! "doctors” have kids on the spectrum? Please! You say they’ve been recovered. Let me inform you, I’ve seen several videos of these “recovered” children, at different ages. They look and act exactly like my son did at those ages and now and he hasn’t had one lick of biomed! What he has had is years of therapy, a great and very supportive education system, a wonderful team of doctors working with him since he was a baby, and family and friends that love and accept him unconditionally. So I don’t buy into the whole recovered through biomed because I look at my son and know progress is made without that stuff. Now, do I think my son is recovered from autism? No. He’s still autistic and he always will be. What I think is he’s grown and developed at a pace appropriate and productive for him and with the love and support of those around him. He’s learned and is still learning coping strategies so he can maneuver in a world he’s not wired for. And he’ll continue to do this and flourish using nothing but the love and support of those around him – family, school, therapy - and his own determination.

Am I supposed to be moved by Ms McCarthy’s story? Don’t count on it. And by the way, I’m not faulting her as a mother and sharing her story. What I am faulting her for giving what I believe is false hope to parents and misleading them with wrong information. It’s been pointed out some of the mistakes she’s made regarding information in her book. Add to that the increased scare about vaccines thanks to her irresponsible words. I’ve seen the hysterical reactions of people. It isn’t pretty.

And you mention reactions to medication. How about the children who have been killed from chelation? Oh, but that’s okay, isn’t it? Again, the double standard. Yes, my son is on medication and it helps him. It doesn’t control his life, but it does help make his days more bearable. He has had no adverse reaction to what he’s on and with the strategies he’s learning it’s possible he’ll be off of them in the future.

You know, anonymous, you wasted a lot of time and energy commenting to me which made me waste a lot of time and energy too. But in the end I feel this post was worth it. I feel it’s a shining example of the total lack of respect issued forth by biomed parents for those who don’t agree with them. Sure, you weren’t nasty to me, and you can turn around and say we do the same thing to all of you; I'm sure there are some who do. But when are you going to get it, there are those of us who don’t want to change our kids or feel we have to. We don’t see them as broken and they don’t need these treatments. And we don't appreciate being condescended and preached to because we accept and love our children the way they are.

And I certainly don’t need someone commenting on my blog, anonymously I might add, making veiled suggestions that I’m not a good enough mother because I don’t pursue the DAN! protocol.

You say there’s hope. I’d like to believe so. The hope that someday people will stop trying to change autistic children and accept them for who they are.

Snarky? Yes. But I don't like drive-by anonymous preaching on my blog when I've made it clear that while I don't agree with and will never pursue biomed treatments I'm not going to criticize or try and change the minds of those who do. Pity the same courtesy can't be made to me and on my own blog.

Thank God it's Saturday!

I hate it when I'm not feeling good and I know exactly why and I may have to change something in my routine that I really would rather not.

Just when I was starting to feel better my body decided to thoroughly protest on me. Nausea, severe migraines, dizziness - and it's all caused by the combination of medications I'm on. More specifically by the fact my thyroid meds have been increased and now it's in conflict with my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. I was told there was a possibility there might be some kind of reaction. I didn't think it would take over two weeks for it to develop. But that's how long it took for the new dosage to build up in my body and then begin reacting to the other medication.

So yeah, I've felt absolutely horrible most of this week.

My therapist doesn't want to take me off the anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. It's the only one I can take that I don't get violently sick from. I don't want to go off it either. She's trying to figure out what to do and is talking to my endocrinologist.

This has affected the kids, of course. But it's affected J in a way that I feel isn't much better than the other way my health issues did previously. He's now overly worried for me and feels it's his job to take care of me. He's tried several times this week to convince me to let him stay home so he can take care of me. He's had his paras call me for him so he can talk to me to make sure I'm all right. It's very sweet he's done all this, however, he's trying to take on a huge responsibility that's not his and I feel awful about it -again.

I know part of it is that years ago my dad put in his head how he's the Man of the House and it's his job to protect his sister and I. I was furious at my dad for this. You don't put that kind of responsibility on a little boy. He's just that - a little boy. J may be 11 now but it's still not his job to take care of and protect me. That's my job to him and Y. His job is to be an 11 year old and have fun.

I'm touched that he cares so much and is concerned for me. I know how much he loves me. But I don't want him taking on more than he needs to.

Because I haven't been feeling well, I haven't commented hardly anywhere, and there have been so many things I've wanted to talk about but haven't: The AAP and their search for families who don't believe vaccines caused their child's autism, etc. J's shopping day and how great it went (before I started to feel completely awful). My review and thoughts on Jumper.

The first one I may just write up a post about my thoughts on the whole autism-vaccine issue. The other two will make some kind of showing, especially the last one because I've thought a lot about the movie since seeing it.

I'll get to these, I just don't know when. It all depends on when I'm feeling better again. Which I hope is soon.

Dealing with the Noise

Tomorrow is President's Day so the kids are out of school. Y and her friends are going to the mall. J and I will be there too but we won't be with the girls. We'll be doing our own thing.

Today he and I have to figure out what stores we're going to go to and what he wants to get from each one, if we're going to eat in the food court or an enclosed restaurant and if the food court, which food stand.

I also have to make sure I put his ear plugs in my purse. The sounds at the mall bother him. What's interesting, though, is what sounds and where.

When we're in the mall proper J is fine. The constant din of people talking doesn't bother him. I wonder if he hears it like a loud white noise because that's what it sounds like to me. It begins to grate on my nerves after a while but I've never noticed it to bother J at all.

Going into stores, though, is a different situation. Some stores he can't handle because the loud music played "hurts" J, as he's told me. He once told me it makes his body and head pound inside and he didn't like it. I can understand that feeling. Some of songs I've heard blaring so luodly through the store's speakers has such a strong beat or bass line to it that it make your whole body vibrate. While annoying to me at times, it really bothers J. As a result there are a lot of stores we don't go in to. This is something we've learned through trial and error.

Then there are the store we do go in to. J has a list them. These are his favorites. Some of them play this loud music that hurts him. J still wants to go into them because he likes the clothes. That's where the ear plugs come in. Once in, they help him tolerate being in the store small amounts at at time. A lot of times he'll go in and out before he finds something he likes and I buy it. I just let him do his thing.

Once we're out of the store the ear plugs come out and go back into my purse.

When it comes to eating lunch at the mall almost every time J wants to each in the food court. Me, I'd much rather go sit down in a restaurant. There aren't many in the mall we're going to, and the ones that are there J doesn't like. He says they're too loud. Well, the food court is loud too - very loud.

This is where I always find it interesting. J much prefers the much louder din in the food court to the noise in a restaurant. And believe me, the din in the food court is something you have to shout over to be heard. I personally don't like it and hate eating in the food court. But J doesn't mind it at all.

When we've tried before to eat in one of the mall restaurants J has been fidgety and agitated and he covers his ears. We've always ended up leaving with our meals in boxes.

I've wondered why it is he can tolerate the noise in the mall and food court better than the noise - and music - in the restaurants and some of the stores. I asked him one time and he told me the noise bugs him a little bit but not as much because it's all over the place. The noise - and music - in the restaurants and stores is in one small spot and he doesn't like it.

I can understand that. He likes the open spaces where the sound travels far away. The restaurant and stores are enclosed spaces where the sound doesn't get to travel too far. This must lead to sensory overload which results in us having to leave or avoiding the place all together.

Knowing this, I think about how he maneuvers the stores he likes to go into that have the loud music - constant going in and out, with ear plugs in - and I smile. J knows his likes and dislikes and he's worked out a way to deal with them when they overlap each other.

I'll be the one using the ear plugs in the food court during lunch.

My future film maker

I bought a digital camera not too long ago. And while I'm still trying to figure out how to use it, J has figured out how to make videos!




J loves Neopets and he wanted to make a video of them. He also wants put this video up on the Neopets website in the video section. He has plans to make a Bionicles video next.

So, stay tuned for more mini movies from J.

Just laying low; ready to Jump

I haven't been around much. I haven't been feeling the greatest lately. It's not that I've been sick as in the way Y was. And thank god the meds finally kicked in and she's over the strep. I've been dealing with health issues of my own. I don't talk about them because, well... I just don't. But I don't like how they've affected my day to day routine.

I have hypothyroidism - and I'm on medication for it. I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder and am on medication for those, as well as see a therapist. I was recently diagnosed with mixed sleep apnea. I get fitted for a cpap mask next Friday night. I'll have to wear it every night for the rest of my life.

I have a lot of crap going on with me. All of these conditions tend to feed off of each other or work together to influence how I feel, and sometimes it's really horrible. That's why I take medication and see therapists. I want to be in control of my life, not the other way around. But sometimes, when one or more of these conditions is out of sync my whole body is too. That's what's going on right.

For little over a month now I've felt not quite right. I've gone on with my daily tasks and J had a successful birthday party, but it's all been done with such effort. Instinctively, I knew something was out of place. Something had fallen out of sync. I had a feeling my thyroid levels had gone up. I was beginning to show symptoms like I had before: my depression was getting worse, dry skin and hair, inability to focus and concentrate the way I used to, total lack of energy. I just felt run down. Add to that I'm now acutely aware of my apnea and I've been fixating on it. I think, as a result, my nights have gotten more sleepless, or when I do sleep it's an hour here, an hour there. I wake up tired and so drained. I swear, next Friday can't get here soon enough.

I talked to my endocrinologist and he agreed to blood work. As I thought, my levels were up. I was put on a new, higher dosage. That was two weeks ago and I'm now beginning to feel better. I can feel my depression lessening, my skin and hair don't feel as dry and I'm able to focus again. However, I'm still dealing with the untreated apnea.

Even so, I'm on my way to feeling better.

Feeling this bad made me not want to blog or comment on anybody elses. The energy just wasn't there. Everything felt like an effort.

One thing I noticed going into the end of the week is that things with J have been much smoother. The last two mornings have been the old, usual routine. There haven't been any power struggles or J yelling at me. It's been easy and uneventful.

This morning I made a comment about how we were making good time and J looked at me and smiled and said, "You're in a better mood, Mom."

I asked him what he meant and he told me, "You haven't been happy. Y saw it too."

I told him it's not that I haven't been happy; I haven't been feeling good.

He nodded and said, "And that makes you not happy. And when you're not happy neither am I."

J has always been able to pick up on my moods, and he reacts in a way that's best, or not always best, for him. I forget this from time to time and it's clear I did again. Looking back I can see my anxiety was really high worrying over what was going on with me. J picked up on all that but didn't know how to process or deal with it. As a result it added to the behaviors and attitude he's been displaying.

I feel awful about this. The last thing I want is my moods or own issues to affect J the way they did. It's not fair to him and he shouldn't have to try and figure out and deal with something that he has no control over. And I think that was it. He knew something was wrong with me, he didn't know what and he had no idea how to take control of it and make it go away. He was put in an emotional situation that he didn't deserve to be in. And I put him there.

We're talking more about what happens at school every day and/or what's bothering him. But he's never mentioned anything about me. I don't think he knew how because he couldn't understand it in the first place. Thankfully, he and I see our respective therapists soon and we can talk to them about how to deal with this kind of situation and avoid it escalating to the point that it got. I also think he and I need to talk more when I'm not feeling good. I want him to understand what I feel isn't something he needs to take on and get control over. That's my job. All he needs to do is focus on himself. We need to figure out how to do that.


My feeling better, the kids and I are seeing Jumper tonight. We're all very excited. I wrote earlier how J is able to identify with the lead character. We'll see tonight if that still holds true. Regardless, it looks like a cool movie and we can't wait to see it.

Some people get it.

Y is sick. She's been sick all weekend. It's strep. I feel bad for her because she's just miserable. And the antibiotics are taking forever to kick in. J has been so thoughtful and has told her several times he hopes she feels better soon. He worries so much when either of us are sick. Y moreso because of how close they are.



This reminds me of something that happened last week that I wanted to write about. I'm late in getting to it but better late than never.

Last Monday I got my taxes done. While talking with the woman doing them for me we got on the subject of our kids. The fact that J is autistic came into the conversation. I was prepared to get an "Oh, I'm so sorry," comment and then explain that there's nothing to be sorry about. I didn't get that at all. Instead what I got was a women who engaged me in a friendly and genuine conversation about autism. She wasn't talking to me about it out of morbid curiosity or pity. She genuinely wanted to know what it was like for me raising an autistic son.

She wondered if he'd be living with me all of his life or possibly in a home. I told her he's what would be considered high-functioning enough that I have no doubt someday he'll be married with a family and have a fulfilling career as a zookeeper or curator of his own zoo.

The woman gave me the biggest smile I have ever seen anybody give me whenever I've discussed J's autism.

She thought everything I told her was great and she wished him the best of luck.

We then talked more about how he's doing in school, how much he's progressed over the years on his own without a lick of biomed. Yes, he's been in therapy for years and he's on medication and he has wonderful support from home, school and doctors, but the progress he's made can be contributed to his efforts.

The woman thought it was great to know J has done so well over the years.

I could tell by her tone and the way we talked that she understood where I was coming from with J. She never once took pity on me or pulled the sympathy card. She asked if it was hard. I told her sometimes yes, but everything I get from J makes it so well worth it. I told her how he's taught me patience and understanding and how the world isn't always what we see it as.

She told me J sounds like a great kid. I told her he was.

School anxiety. Bionicles to the rescue.

J’s good mood didn’t last long after his birthday weekend was over. He’s back to the defiant attitude. He’s been late for his bus every day so far because he doesn’t want to get ready for school. All he wants to do is play with the Bionicles he got for his birthday.

One thing I know J does – which I have to remind myself of continuously or I forget – is when he’s stressed about something he will play with these toys non-stop, building and rebuilding them. It helps soothe him and sort things out. This is what he’s doing. Unfortunately, this ritual has interfered with his morning routine.

I know what he’s stressing over. It’s what’s going on at school. After talking to his spec. ed. teacher last week some thing were brought into perspective.

While making adequate progress in his goals for almost all subjects, in math he has regressed. Math is one of his favorite subjects, along with science. So to be told he's regressing made me upset. Part of the anger was that I was never told about this before. No justifiable explanation could be given which didn’t please me too much either. His teacher is confident, though, that J will regain what he’s lost and will be back on track soon enough. Apparently the math is more difficult this year and while J is struggling he’s still learning.

I know she tried to ease my concerns but it didn’t really help.

A big part of this situation is that, as mentioned earlier, J has been fixating on his classmates and how he does in comparison to them academically. Talking with the teacher, this fixation actually has been narrowed down even further to one particular boy – one of his friends. Both are on the spectrum, both share a morning para, both work with the spec. ed. teacher together in the resource room. Everything J does he compares to what his friend does. And it’s for things like who gets to the resource room first, who gets to sit in a particular chair first, who finishes work first. J’s friend has a tendency to do all these first. As a result, all of this has become like a competition for J and he gets upset when he doesn’t prove himself to be the best.

He wants to be the best, the smartest, the quickest. He especially wants this when he and his friend are working together. This is his main fixation and it’s now spread out to his class mates.

One thing, though, that his teacher talked to me about - and this is something she’s been working on with J – is that while J’s friend may get to the room and into the chair first, and he may get his work done first the truth of the matter is his friend always has to redo his work because he’s so quick to get it done. Meanwhile, J takes his time – or at least tries to – and turns in work that never needs to be redone.

This should be a positive thing, but J doesn’t see it that way. He doesn’t see the fact his friend’s work needs to be redone or that his own is always done correctly. He sees it as his friend being better, faster and smarter than him. This causes a lot of anxiety for J. And this anxiety causes him to get very distressed. And it’s this distress that he’s trying to work through and I’m on the receiving end of.

One thing his teacher and I have discussed and have agreed to do is ask J how his day is going, or how it’s gone, or if there’s anything he wants to talk about. I already do this when he gets home. It's going to be done more at school and here as well. If there is something, let him talk about it. Like with seeing a therapist where you talk about your problems, let J talk about any he may have. And believe me; he’s been talking about his friend a lot. That’s something I’ve failed to mention so far. He brings up this particular friend every day. Looking back on it, this friend and the friendship they have has been causing a lot of anxiety for J. And all because he seems to think this friend does better than him.

Two things I know have recently been done now is J and his friend are walked down to the resource room every day whereas before they walked down on their own. They’re also now been given assigned seats.

His teacher is taking it a step further, though, and is going to separate the two as much as possible. She’s going to put them in different resource groups and see if that makes any kind of difference.

I hope it does because I don’t want to see the anxiety and distress caused by what has been happening deter his academic capabilities.

I'm going to keep following this at school and will be talking to his spec. ed teacher a couple of times a week to see how things progress and if there's anything else that needs be done. I'm also going to be discussing this with Dr. M and see what he recommends. I want this issue resolved so J isn't so stressed out by it.

Andn the meantime, he'll keep playing with his Bionicles, to help him work through it all. They are pretty awesome toys.

Success! And then some

J's party was a success!!! He had a lot of fun, got some cool presents and really enjoyed having his friends over. There were moments when the boys got really loud and hyper but I can't say there were any serious sensory issues. No meltdowns or need for serious redirection. All the boys listened to me or Y or my mother when we needed to step in and lay down the law.

I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to see J with friends.

I had a game plan set up. The boys were downstairs where Y & I stayed and monitored. My mom was up in the kitchen getting the pizzas and cakes ready. Juice boxes and popcorn were the snacks. I asked about any diet restrictions but most of the parents agreed that since it was a birthday party they'd let their sons have whatever was on the menu. The only exemption I had was that some of the boys didn't eat chocolate so I had two cakes - one chocolate (because J LOVES chocolate) and one white.

One of the boy's mothers stuck around for the party and we talked. We've known of each other for a year now but have never connected. It was nice getting to know her better. She does a lot of advocacy work and was talking to me about getting into it. I want to do something more than PCA for J so I'm considering expanding with that route.

She praised me for having a house full of autistic boys and only one NT and having everything under control. I told her I put up with Y and her screaming, squealing, fangirling friends all the time, this can't be that much harder. Besides, I've gotten used to it with Y, I want to do the same thing with J. I joked about how I'll see which ones are harder to deal with.

And the truth of the matter is it was like having a house full of 11 year-old preteen boys. There were no indicators that any of them are autistic. Not that there necessarily would be but with the comment the other mom made it made me wonder and take a look. They joked around like boys their age would and about things boys their age would. There were a few raunchy comments thrown about but when watching them all together I could tell this was typical conversation and behavior for all of them.

None of the boys who couldn't stay wanted to go home. That was a good sign to me. A great sign actually. I want all my kid's friends to feel they can come to my house at any time and be comfortable here. I have it with Y's friends, I hope to achieve it with J's.


The party went well, however, the sleepover was a bit different situation. J ended up with two friends sleeping over instead of one. The second boy was a last minute decision. I thought everything would be okay because the two boys who stayed over are J's best friends. (Like Y, he has two best friends too). He had to learn how to divide his time between them and did an okay job after he and I talked about it. His two friends, though...I will never have the two of them over together again. They bickered the entire time and Sunday morning they got into a physical fight. After separating them and talking to each individually I was told this always happens with the two of them. That wasn't right to me. Friends don't fight like they did.

One thing I noticed with these two is one is NT, the other is autistic. Both interacted great with J individually, but not at all with each other. It was like they didn't know how - but knew with J. And I don't know if J is the buffer between the two or what it is. I just know I can't have these two together in this house again.

Because I felt so bad about what happened I apologized to the parents, in case the boys told them stories, and said I didn't want it to affect them coming over again, if they ever wanted to or were asked by J again. Honestly, the two boys' behavior really bothered me.

I had to tell myself I was a learning experience - for all of us.

All in all, though, it was a successful party and I'd gladly have any of the boys back again.

Also, I didn't get much for pictures. Some of the boys were camera shy and trying to get them to sit still long enough for pictures didn't exactly happen. I'll post what I have when the film is developed.

A Better Day

First off:

Happy Birthday J!

He's 11 years old today. My baby is two years shy of being a teenager!

He was in a much better mood this morning when he got up. He was happy and laughing and cooperative! He did everything he was supposed to and did it without complaint.

It was the same thing last night too. We had a peaceful evening and morning.

He reminded me to pick up donut holes for his birthday snack for his class. He wanted fresh ones so I told him I'd get them after my doctor's appt. I got those dropped off and came home to find his SSI check in the mail. We'll be shopping for "cool clothes" this evening after he gets home.

Tomorrow is his party and all the boys are coming. Only one is sleeping over but that works out great. J wasn't happy about that at first, but when I reminded him it's one of his best friends and they'll be able to relax and watches movies and play with his toys and it'll just be the two of them he thought about it and liked the idea.

And honestly, I think if any more of the boys stayed over I'd be dealing with possible serious sensory issues.

So it all works out.

I still need to get the pizzas and some film. J will be helping me with that this evening too.


I've had several conversations so far with J's spec. ed. teacher and I'm upset and disturbed by some of what she told me, but I'll post about that after the weekend. Right now I'm looking forward to J's birthday party and will post about it on Sunday.

The Ignorance, It Burns!

I went to the doctor this morning and while waiting to get some lab work done I had an "interesting" conversation with a woman sitting next to me.

I had just sat down to wait until I was called. I was about to start reading some more of "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". (I'm a very slow reader.) The woman next to me - whom I had no idea who she was - started talking and here's how it pretty much went.

"Oh, I've heard of that book. I don't think I could read it, though."

"Why not?" Somewhat confused as to why this complete stranger is talking to me.

"It's written by an autistic boy and it's hard to read. I don't want to read something like that."

Now, I have the book in my lap; I'm reading it, and she says something like that. "Actually, it's written by a man who writes it from the POV of an autistic boy."

"Oh."

"And if it helps me in any way to understand how my son's mind works then it's well worth reading."

She looks at me, almost in horror. "Oh, you're son is autistic? I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"About what?" I'm curious to know what she's sorry about.

"About your son. It must be so hard for you."

"No, it's not hard at all. If anything, raising my son is easier than raising my neurotypical daughter."

"But he's autistic."

"What difference does that make?" Then it clicks. "Oh, I get it. You probably think my life is devastated and destroyed because of him. Not even close. You see, I love and accept my son for who he is, autism and all. There's nothing wrong with him, and there's certainly no pity party here or 'woe is me, my life is ruined. Look how hard it is for me", feeling sorry for myself crap. I don't do that and I don't like that people automatically assume that I do when they find out my son is autistic. Yes, he is autistic, but he's pretty damned amazing, and I wouldn't change him for anything."

The woman fell silent after that and I went about reading the book. Not long afterwards she moved when a different seat opened up. I was happy to see her do so because I didn't want to sit next to her anymore either.

I probably could have been nicer since I said most of what I did with a snarky attitude but I wasn't too keen on having blood drawn and she just ticked me off with her own attitude.

It rare I have situations like this but when I do I speak my mind. I just have to learn to be more eloquent about what I say and how, I think.